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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her social circle drifted away then, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, likely realised more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, many close to her vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, we've both retired leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my role between us is as the audience. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to what interests her. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to propose double-checking information or other angles.

She has been organizing a vacation abroad I have traveled to many times even called home for some time. I tried to share insights, yet it was met with resistance. She purely just desired me to confirm her plans. I recently returned from 30 days in that country and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she can grasp the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go during your discussions. It should be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. The third step is to question ways you together will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be impactful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject everything, for those who cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it's all they've known. It's tough when there seems no easy route here, just dead ends. Yet she could start out like this then consider on your words. If you don't achieve a fix, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.