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Myself crave insights from people about handling life’s midpoint hurdles, such as existential reckonings, waning significance, growing a neck like a Salvador Dalí clock along with a recent enthusiasm for A Place in the Sun. Recently, I came across Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 during a chat: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

At first, I pondered: isn’t this contradictory between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Are you often the gathering’s pragmatist instead of its enthusiast? Does your thorough reply to casual greetings make people step back nervously? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you see yourself in gloomy figures; has a spiritual reader mentioned your vibe is murky?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. I imagine a negative type would have voiced caution – or pulled a disapproving expression – when Jamie mentioned his children’s book idea featuring an Indigenous protagonist without proper consultation, potentially averting numerous issues, hurt, and anger. You don’t get that sort of service from “lovely people”.