Those Phrases shared by A Father That Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - going on a couple of days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."